Week Eight: Growth Mindset

I didn't think I'd succeeded in changing in any way.

But when I read the list, I realized I'd come farther than I thought, which is something worth celebrating.

The most challenging class for me this semester is Japanese. I took it last semester, but it was fun and easy to take the first introduction class. This second one had been trying to destroy me.

Languages are usually easy for me, so I don't always work as hard as I should. When I started getting lower grades on the tests than I got last semester, it was so easy to initially brush it off or blame all of it on the professor. And sure, she's grading harder, but I gave up on my love for the language and culture.

I stopped watching all of my favorite YouTubers in Japan, and I stopped reading manga. I stopped wanting to learn because I didn't want a B, and I didn't want to fail myself.

But at one point, I realized that my definition of failure was getting a B, and I was going to get a B in Japanese no matter how much effort I poured in. So I came to terms with it instead.

After that day, I started focusing on it seriously again. I started a new Japanese show and watched tons of it, picking up a few words and laughing too. I allowed myself to love the language again and with it, my old motivation to learn Japanese came back.

My last test score was a ninety-three, and it felt amazing. As afraid as I am that I'll focus on my grade too much again, I gained something immaterial from all of this. And I'm so excited to learn more.


Image Information: "Quote by Ella Fitzgerald" by Linnaea Mallette.

I Wish I Had A Growth Mindset

Before this, I had never heard of growth mindsets vs. fixed mindsets. But everything she said made sense, and I realized how fixed my mindset is. I can't even remember when I shifted away from learning being fun. I get so caught up in getting As that I forget about everything else.

While I'd really love to change, I don't know if I will be able to. But in a few short months, I will hopefully graduate, and I won't be able to depend on grades to create a false benchmark of success. So my goal for the semester will be slowly trying to ease away from depending so much on my intelligence and grades and instead lean toward being able to admit imperfections and hardships. Somehow over the years, I have become terrible at asking for help. Just this week, a friend of mine had to ask the professor a question for me because I would have rather struggled or learned later than ask myself.

I think the thing Dweck said that resonated with me the most was about the dangers of being praised for intelligence. When I was in fourth grade, my girl scout troop did a Valentine's Day activity where we wrote what we liked about the other girls on little hearts and exchanged them. Every single person in the group wrote "smart" or "intelligent" on mine. It took me a long time to realize how harmful it was to define yourself by such a fickle thing as intelligence.

I hope that I can learn to have a growth mindset because, especially as a writer, I need to be able to handle criticism without it hurting me. I think trying to shift to a more healthy mindset will be an interesting but rewarding task for this semester.

Image information: "Retrain Your Mind" by John Hain.