But when I read the list, I realized I'd come farther than I thought, which is something worth celebrating.
The most challenging class for me this semester is Japanese. I took it last semester, but it was fun and easy to take the first introduction class. This second one had been trying to destroy me.
Languages are usually easy for me, so I don't always work as hard as I should. When I started getting lower grades on the tests than I got last semester, it was so easy to initially brush it off or blame all of it on the professor. And sure, she's grading harder, but I gave up on my love for the language and culture.
I stopped watching all of my favorite YouTubers in Japan, and I stopped reading manga. I stopped wanting to learn because I didn't want a B, and I didn't want to fail myself.
But at one point, I realized that my definition of failure was getting a B, and I was going to get a B in Japanese no matter how much effort I poured in. So I came to terms with it instead.
After that day, I started focusing on it seriously again. I started a new Japanese show and watched tons of it, picking up a few words and laughing too. I allowed myself to love the language again and with it, my old motivation to learn Japanese came back.
My last test score was a ninety-three, and it felt amazing. As afraid as I am that I'll focus on my grade too much again, I gained something immaterial from all of this. And I'm so excited to learn more.
Image Information: "Quote by Ella Fitzgerald" by Linnaea Mallette.
Hey Ellie! This is such an inspirational story! I love that you allowed us to know you were struggling and that the likely the stem of this struggle was due to the desire to receive a high grade rather than knowledge from the course. I love that you have rediscovered your love of the language! I am learning spanish and have worried I would experience a similar problem. I realize I haven't been focusing on it recently and should pick it up again soon! Thanks for the inspiration!
ReplyDeleteHi Ellie! I think a huge part of growth mindset is actually recognizing progress, so I am glad you were able to see how far you have come along. As an accounting major, I held a similar feeling that anything lower than an A was failing -- it is major! This semester has been harder for me (just family things), so I started to shut down myself. But then I realized that accepting defeat was the failure. And that really helped me pick back up motivation.
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