"These are the finest fighters in your country, my king." The man gestured to the sixteen of us lined up.
The king's sharp eyes studied us.
If this is where I die, so be it. I kept my head high, but eyes bowed.
"I am forming an elite force to assist me in bringing peace." The king approached us. "You are the best warriors from your province. If you're found worthy, you will find a place in my highest guard. Their credentials, Haman."
Haman began with Province One, reading our names, family histories, specializations, and greatest achievements. Six districts were called before me.
"Warrior Seven, Hadassah Benjamin. Orphaned at the age of twelve when her parents were murdered by Koltish fighters. She was raised by her cousin Mordecai. She is proficient with seven different blades and is an all-around strategist. She defended Province Seven from three separate attempts at invasion and lowered its crime rate to below the national average.”
The king appraised me quietly before listening to the last nine introductions.
“Dismiss Six and Fourteen. I’ve been betrayed once by a Peter and once by a man whose eyes I couldn’t trust. Show your faces in the capital city again, and you’ll be banished from the kingdom. Training begins at dawn.”
*
By the week’s end, three women and two men had dropped or been cut from the training program.
“You nine have done well.” The king’s eyes narrowed as we dropped to a knee where we were, sweat coating our skin. “Haman will assemble groups of three. Present your best battle strategy for our next attack by tomorrow at dawn.”
Haman paired me with Ten and Three.
“Seven, you’re supposed to be a master strategist, right?” Ten glanced at me lazily. “Draw up the plans, okay?” He rested his hand just below where my sleeve ended at my elbow. I pulled my arm back quickly.
“See you tomorrow then!” Three saluted with two fingers before ducking under Ten’s arm and heading back to the barracks.
I glanced over the numerous materials and details of the fight to come. I will need Mordecai’s help.
*
After a long night and a hard ride to and from Susa, the sun was just breaking over the horizon as I leaped down from my horse. Rushing toward the throne room, I skidded to a halt in front of the open doors, plans clasped tightly in my right hand. I knelt in front of the door.
I cannot enter without his permission, or I will lose my head for nothing.
“Enter, Seven.” The king’s voice echoed off the high walls. “Explain yourself.”
“I sought the council of my cousin, my liege. My, our, plans.” I bowed my head, holding the rolled up parchment out to him.
He unfurled the page as I stepped back into line.
“Three and Ten, you are dismissed. If you do not have Seven’s back, you do not have mine.” King Xerxes waved his hand. “We use Seven’s plan,” the king declared, and my heart soared.
“With all respect, my liege, the honor goes to my cousin Mordecai.” I raised my eyes to meet his.
A small smile lit his lips. “Very well.”
*
There were three of us left after a month.
The king gave us new names as he swore us into his service.
I was Esther a whole day before I saved his life.
As the Koltish fighters attacked the Northern border, an arrow struck the king’s horse, throwing him to the ground. I dove to protect him, taking a blow meant to kill. Blood seeped from my left arm as I dispatched his attacker.
Anahi and Lane quickly closed ranks around the king as he got to his feet.
With a grand rallying cry, we pushed back the invaders.
*
“How may I reward you for your service?” King Xerxes looked down from his throne with only gentleness.
“I want only your safety,” I insisted.
“At least take the day off.”
“Yes, my lord.” I bowed before leaving the throne room.
I took my horse from the stables and rode for Susa.
*
“What do you mean?” I asked horrified, staring at my cousin in his mourning clothes, the tattoos on the top half of his right arm on full display.
“The king passed a measure declaring all Ishtamites must flee, or they will be sentenced to death by the end of the month.” His dark eyes were cast to the ground. “You have to do something, Hadassah.”
“Me?” I asked incredulously.
“The king favors you.” Mordecai took my hands, the wrinkles around his eyes suddenly more pronounced. “Save our people, Hadassah.”
*
Cold fear gripped my heart as I stood outside the king’s throne room.
Entering without being summoned will get me killed. But I’ll be dead by the end of the month anyway.
“…they’re dangerous, my king!” Haman’s anger echoed out to me before I could open the door and announce my presence. “The Ishtamites are plotting with the Koltans to overthrow you. We need to exterminate them!”
I pushed the door open without another hesitation. “My king, I beg for your forgiveness, but I humbly request an audience with you.”
“Esther.” His voice was warm. “You may approach.”
Relief flooded me as I placed myself at his feet. “If you would allow me, I have a request.”
“Up to half my kingdom is yours, Esther.”
“I ask for my life and the lives of my people.”
“Who dares threaten you?” he growled.
“Haman.” The man in the corner of the room froze. I pushed up my sleeve, exposing the tattoos on my right arm. “I am an Ishtamite, my liege. If you wish to kill me for it, I request that you do it now so I won’t see the demise of my people.”
“You threaten the very person who saved my life?” the king roared, and Haman ran toward the door.
But the king was quicker, and Haman was no more.
Author's Note: At exactly 1,000 words, it was really hard for me to keep my story at the word limit because Esther's story was one of my favorites growing up. This particular book of the Bible tells how a woman earns the king's favor and becomes his queen. However, his adviser hates Jews, so he gets the king to sentence them all to death, a decree that Esther stops by revealing her heritage and asking the king for a pardon. I made my version more feminist and empowering by turning Esther into a warrior. If I had had more space, she would have gotten to kill Haman herself.
Image Information: I searched for a long time but couldn't find an image that fit any of my ideas very well. I ended up picking an image of a church that my mom took in a church in Estavayer-le-Lac, Switzerland. It was the closest thing I could find to my imagination of the throne room.
Bibliography: The Bible: "Esther" in the King James Version.
You definitely did a really good job transforming this story. I'm decently familiar with most biblical stories but I couldn't tell where this story originally came from. I also really liked how you made all of the warriors complete equals with no regard to their gender. Most of them are never even given a gender to begin with, unless they're being dismissed in groups.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so one of my favourite things about retellings is when you don’t realise at first that it’s a retelling, but when you hear afterwards that it was and everything snaps into place. With this class, I obviously know the stories are going to be retellings, but this feels fresh enough that it could easily stand on its own as an independent story, not just a retelling. The blending of this historical setting with the feel of a dystopian setting is really striking, and works way better than any combination like that has the right to, haha. If you ever decided to expand this into a novel, I think it would work really well—I’m curious to see more about the training/fighting processes, plus Esther’s dynamic with her cousin and her unfolding relationship with the king. I totally get why you were so excited to do your Esther story now.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I’m laughing forever that the king was betrayed in the past by a Peter. How beautiful, haha.
Hi Ellie! I remember reading your first story and loving it, so I really wanted to read what else you've written. I love the direction you went with this story. I never thought of the idea of Esther being a warrior, but now I'm obsessed with the idea. You set up the story so amazingly, and I agree, this story should definitely be longer. I would love to know more about Esther the fighter. Such a good job!
ReplyDeleteOhh! I love your story. Once I realized what your tale was based off, I actually squealed out-loud in glee. You did a wonderful job. I love how you changed it up and turned Ester into a more active force! The only bad thing is, now I am left wanting more! If you ever decide to add to this story let me know! It was awesome how you gave new life into this beloved story.
ReplyDeleteThis story is really great! I love how you have used so much dialogue. It is also interesting that you kept the story kind of mysterious and in the beginning we didn’t even know who the narrator was. It was cool that you broke the story up into chapter like pieces so that you could cover a longer span of time in such a short story!
ReplyDeleteThis story is really well written and I can certainly see you one day achieving your goal of becoming a professional author as a career. I enjoyed the amount of dialogue you included into the story. The mystery factor you created in this story was well done, and drew my attention in further to discovering the final outcome of your narrative.
ReplyDelete